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In Search
of Adventure… -
James Clarke
Where should we go for Christmas and New Year? That
was the question. Probably the same places as last year
- Sheffield Beach and then the Cavernberg in the northern
Drakensberg.
But I am, at heart, an action man. After all, did
I not climb K2 in 1989?* Did I not take a schooner round
the Horn?**
I popped into a travel agency and was greeted by one
of those effete young men who button their jackets right
up to the top, whom (or who, or whatever) you just know
has never travelled beyond his local Kentucky Fried
and doesn't know his Arsdorf from his Elba.
"I want to make a break with Sheffield Beach
this year," I said. "I want somewhere more
wild and adventurous."
"Ramsgate," he said. "They've got new
pedal-boats on the lagoon."
"I want fast action," I said.
"How about shooting Victoria Falls in an inflatable?"
"An inflatable what?"
"Well, it's a sort of huge tractor tyre I think.
It's called shooting the rabbits or something but I
doubt they are real bunny rabbits. I hear it's too,
too awesome."
"How much?"
"You know what they say: if you have to ask then
you can't afford it. Haw haw haw."
I took him by his narrow lapels, drew his face up to
mine, and head-butted him on the bridge of his aquiline
nose.
"How much?" I repeated.***
"R2999 - payable in advance," he sniffed.
"Can I shoot first and pay later?"
"'Fraid not. Some clients don't come back. But
how about staying with head-hunters in Sabah in Borneo?
Or how about photographing military installations in
Libya? That can be exciting. Hang on, there's a note
here that language can be a problem."
"Surely their guides speak English?"
"Yes, but in Africa these days almost anything
you say can be misinterpreted and then they truss you
up like a Mamelodi chicken and charge you with espionage
and chuck you into an unspeakably awful jail which,
you can bet, doesn't even have DSTV."
"Maybe I'll try something nearer home."
"I was about to suggest you holiday AT home this
year. Get all the action you need on television without
paying an arm and a leg or even breaking one. Get up
when you like; sit in your favourite chair... Just tip
every third person you see and it'll feel just like
being away. "
"I'll take it!"
"Right, Sir. That's R250 down, R50 a week."
He struck an octave on the till.
* No.
** Me-he?
*** I don't usually use this approach but my parking
meter was running out.
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